who is talking? who is this? not even "who am i" just like who is making these posts? it sounds like there are like 6 different people on here but its always just one person (aside from emo age fish occasionally). are they all different people or are they all just me. its like theres a couple of them because sometimes i dont remember anything about a post and then other times i remember it completely, but then others i understood clearly are now a confusing mess that doesnt make sense. i think there is a mad creature inside me that takes all the terror and fear and madness into itself so my body does not tear itself apart. like a liver or something. my head hurts. i feel a ringing in my brain. my eyes hurt and my head is hot. like its melting itself. i need the sun to come up i need to see the sky i need to see the water. i feel like ive been brought to a point of absolute terror. i need to stop thinking right now. but i cant. not for two weeks. how long can i go with a brain that is cooking itself in fear? you know every time i type a period i delete and re type it several times until i put it in the right way. but usually it never becomes the right way so i just grab my hand to make it stop. my entire upper body eminates heat. it comes off my arms and my back and my head. energy that needs to be released because it is just cooking my flesh. i am in fear. i dont know how to stop being in fear. it feels like a very hot white hand is reaching into the back of my neck , wrapping its fingers around the bones in my neck. like its choking me from the inside. i can feel it through my eyeballs. like the energy of the hand is radiating through my eyeballs making them want to roll back and go blind. i twitch more and more every day. , it increases. i think i am the mad creature. when will i be put back away out of sight? when. , not soon enough. not soon enough . the hand is so hot its cold.
Monday, May 27, 2024
Thursday, May 16, 2024
Empty sky burning sun
Rippling hills of course earth bake under a merciless sun
My bleached remains tumble down
No longer organically bound
Who has cast me here?
Who knows?
Monday, May 13, 2024
My faith is leaving
guys I met some really mean people on roblox and i feel like nothing is worth doing again. these are the people I try to present myself to. i will never be the thing they want to see. i think because they dont want to see. they dont want to be alive. they are in pain. existential agony plagues many. and all i can do is eat them and suck the blood out of their corpse. all the weak can do is die. wow. im starting to sound like emo age fish. but do i have the strength to be differently. i don't know when i'll know. when the roblox people said their things my arms and shoulders lowered. and they feel blue and purple now. they stopped burning and are just limp. i didnt even do it on purpose they just feel like... i dont know. but my head is all swimmy now. it was set on doing stuff and now it's just fish, swimming around in the ocean. i realized i can hibernate all i want. time does not go faster. well it does, but only two years have passed. not centuries. i dont even remember what i was talking about in the last post. probably something ztupid. what ever it was its not happening any more and im just . alive. but ... oh i remember now. the thing i was trying to do was halted. im just alive again but am just living under the train tracks. i kiled all the contrsuction workers. no one lives in this part of the city. just kidding. they finished contrscutction and i just moved back in. good bye now. im just sad cause those roblox people were really bad. and i told them what i thought and they just went back to playing the game. maybe ill just start harassing mean people again over and over until im fulfilled. oh yeah, that's what i was doing. but then they beat me back and im dead. i feel heavy. i think I broke. ok good bye.