The cold

I am cold. It feels like I’m always cold. But on the inside too. I feel less. There’s a film over everything that makes it all harder to see. I am healing from vampirism… but I don’t like that. This new form of agony is worse than the last. I feel no spite or hatred now, only minor annoyance. My opposition towards humanity has diluted, but the difference still remains. The difference between me and them. I want to hate them. I don’t want to become one of them. I don’t want to act like I’m one of them. I want to be wretched. I want to… O_O …what do I want to do? Currently I want to go to sleep. After that… finish a piece of art. And in the long term… I am conflicted because I want to live amongst the day creatures but I also can’t fucking stand them at the same time. People say “that isn’t you” and they are dumb and fat because it is me I am insane. I spark like a downed wire to cope with the fact that I am falling, and clueless. What the fuck is going on? Why can’t I handle any of it? Do people really just block all this stuff out? All the time? Not even vampires are evolved enough to handle all this crap all the time. That’s why we hide and sleep and wallow. And scream. The light is too bright. I cannot see. I don’t know how to close this one cause I don’t even wanna feast on the living anymore. I am waiting for the next time I fall. And it hasn’t come yet. So I am bored. How stupid. If I was a giant I would suck on a whale until it exploded. Or throw whales at people for fun.

The darkness of the night, calls me, to bite people.