Pain

I think I figured it out I need to make some friends. It’s not going outside that fixes the problem. It’s being with other people. It’s all I can think about. Maybe that’s why it’s all I can think about. The restlessness went away for a a bit but it’s back and I go to sleep now to stave it off. There is a zombie in plants vs zombies which is a game I plaiyed a long time ago it said “this zombie shivers, not because he’s cold, but because he’s crazy.” That’s me I was I was walking and I was under a waterfall and the water was falling on me and I just spasm and scream and when I walk I shake and I it looks like I’m trying to throw a bunch of rats or bugs off my arms and legs but they’re stuck there. Temporary distracting the brain by using erratic movements. Eeeek I’m scarred right now. Scared. But I go outside and nothing helps but I see people and it helps like I need it I need the perc jessie I need it now.

I don’t want to zee anyone but I haev to. Fuck. I should try to find meds. I tried to suck someone’s blood last night but  I couldn’t do it. I am too much losing it. I don’t remember what the wires are. I think they left me. I don’t know where I’m going. It doesn’t seem like there is a world to save here. I have indulged in fictions far too much. Shit fuck the police are here go away I DONT WANT TO FUCKING MURDER YOU GET SOMEWHERE ELSE GET LOST

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

IT DIDNT WORK SLEEPING DIDNT WORK I HAD NIGHTMARES ALL TIME AND A FEW TIMES I FELT THE FEELING OF THE MOST FEAR IVE EVER FELT IN AN INSTANT LIKE I COULD HAVE DIED IN MY SLEEP I WOKE UP AND INSTANTLY MY CHEST DECOMPRESSED AND IT HURT LIKE WHEN YOUVE BEEN PUNCHING FOR SO LONG YOU OPEN YOUR FINGERS FROM A FIST AND THEY ACHE SO MUCH AS THEY UNCURL. AND I STILL FEEL THE HEAT IN MY ARMS AND THIS TENSION LIKE I AM THE CATAPULT STRING AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA WHAT IS HAPPENING? THSI IS LIKE THE TIME I WAS ON COCAINE CAUSE THE DOCTROR PERSCRIBED ME COCAINE AND I SCREAMED AND JUMPED ON A TRAMPOLINE FOR HOURS AND TRIED TO STAB A HOMELESS PERSON. HE LOOKED AT ME WITH THE EYES OF A HUMAN. DEATHLY EYES. I DROPPED THE KNIFE AND RAN. 

THEY TRY TO CATCH THESE HANDS BUT THEY WILL MISS

I FEEL LIKE MY HEART IS GOING TO EXPLODE. THERE IS NOTHING TO FEAR, NOTHING GOING ON. WHY IS THE MADNESS IN FULL FORCE? BUT THIS ISNT THE MADNESS ITS LIKE I AM NOT MAD I AM JUST EXTREMELY POWERFUL. BUT IT IS TOO MUCH FOR THIS VESSEL AND IT IS TEARING IT APART. 

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA^

WHY DOES THE VAMPIRE EXIST? WHERE AM I? WHERE AM I GOING? 

I CAN SEE BUT EVERYTHING IS RED. MURDER VISION. ONCE NIGHT FALLS I WIL L RUN. RUN FASTER THAN THE EYE OF THE SUN. THAT DOESNT MAKE SENSE. I WILL CATCH UP TO IT AND WILL BE IN THE DAYLIGHT . THAT WOULDNT BE IDEAL, BUT WOULD IT MATTER IF THYE CANT EVEN CATCH UP TO ME? DARTH VADER. DARTH VADER. SYNTHETIC WIRES. I CHECKED MY PULSE. ITS 493. IS THAT HIGH? I CAN SEE THROUGH WALLS. I CAN SEE EVERY NEARBY BEATING HEART WITHIN A 200 MILE RADIUS. THE CLOSE ONES ARE REDDER. IS IT A BLOOD MOON? CAN A BLOOD MOON LAST MORE THAN ONE NIGHT? IS THERE A VAMPIRE LORD SOMEWHERE NEAR? IS THEIR PRESENCE POWERFUL ENOUGH TO MAKE LESSER VAMPIRES WRITHE AND SYRINGE? AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

Has hahs hdhj hjhh jjhhhhh

I don’t know about you but I’m going to start stealing bronze statues like these 

I want all of them

I want a lot , enough to fill up a room to walk on. The floor will be made of bronze statues like these. Maybe I should go to the bottom of the lake and sleep down there. I don’t know if it would actually help. I will probably keep thinking of stealing statues like these. I have an affliction to friction. The neurons are still firing. What if I . Why is the text centering itself. Oh no, I hear the garbage people. I left something cool in the garbage near by: I hope they don’t pick it up oh my god Fuck off they are 

v Wow

That’s pretty interesting I don’t usually read posts I make until months later but I already forgot everything I was thinking in that one from a week ago. When you are a vampire you don’t remember a lot of things you don’t need to in the long run. You kind of become more animalistic again like that. Some vampires think we are a higher species, not really. We are higher in some ways but lower in others so it sort of cancels out and like you can be a stupid gross human or a dark four armed vampire. (When you are… basically we use any part of our body for whatever uses we need, so the legs are kind of just the second pair of arms, because they are all just weapons for killing. It’s like having a sword for humans. But if you could hold swords with your feet. I can roundhouse kick 16 people’s heads off at once.) humans limit their movements for social reasons. When you are a vampire you get ass and dick in your face all the time. If you live with other vampires. I wish I did. I would sleep naked with them. Covered in grime. It’s like dogs. Dogs scratch their leg with their head. I mean they use their hind legs to scratch behind their ears. You can use your feet to scratch your crotch when you are a vampire but humans wouldn’t do that cause they aren’t all that flexible and also it would be socially bizarre in every civilized culture. What was I talking about earlier. Oh no yeah this is what I was talking about. Well I’m going to go back to writhing with madness and power for hours. Remember to heed the rize of the wires. It is a danger many can not repress. Good night. 

De-alienation

(Written December 20th)

I don’t like when people have a similar story to tell but if they saw me they would forget everything they wrote about and try to kill me. I resent you for using the same metaphors as me. Because to me it isn’t a metaphor. I am the night. I am woven into the fabrics of the night sky, between the stars. I am star dust. I wish to gather up all of the star dust in the universe and… and do what. What can I do to save the souls of many if I don’t even want to. I murder frequently. Well. I don’t know. I am starveng myself because I don’t wanna murder. But it always comes back to murder. Once I am angry enough. How have the police not decided to look for the cause of all of these deaths. Maybe I should bite some famous people to see what happens. 

A human who decided they like me invited me into a racist hideout. It is full of idiots. It’s not even really funny to sit in there and watch them converse. I just want to swallow them all up and leave. No drama, they’re just gone. I don’t know if I’ll do that but I’ll probably slink away soon. If they knew who I was they would have tried to murder me by now. It’s weird though because there were a few of them who drank blood. They weren’t vampires but they were dabbling in dark dealings. Why is that ok, but being not white German isn’t? The nice humans I knew some time ago said things like “I will murder all racists and transphobes”. I admire the spirit but. I don’t know what the but is. Maybe I am too exhausted to murder every bigot. The thing is too is that it just comes back in humanity naturally due to lack of complete intelligence. Dear lord. Why did you make. I can hear his presence. I don’t want to complain to god right now.

If I talked to every bigot for years each maybe I could clean them of their bigotry but I don’t want to deal with the after. There are a lot of people where I. I am falling g asleep. If you murdered them all too then

More mmmmmj mmmmmm. i Wrote this on the 20t h . I will pst it later. I can’t see. 

Restlessness

I can’t sleep. I can feel the blood flowing through every vein in my body. Especially my arms. They are emanating heat. There is an energy force bouncing around inside my body. The darkness of the night, calls me; to bite people. Hours are flying by as I try to compress my body and squish the malice out like a soda can but it does not leave. It is in every one of my cells. I think I got poisoned by the venom symbiote. Honestly I don’t remember what it was liek to have the venom symbiote. I just remember I wuz angry. And my arms were hot like this. I want to be at peace but it is not approaching me. Maybe I ate a human that injested crack cocaine. Damn it all I hope not. The cocaine is making my killer instincts kick in. I want to eat a lot. I want to run around eating a lot of things and breaking a lot of objects with my arms which feel like they could shoot beams right now. Maybe I should try it. The crowd control and single target tenticles don’t have as far range as a laser. But I am not a creature of light, so maybe it will just shoot gross blood instead. I have watched too many movies from this era. It has been some times since I’ve seen a movie though. Maybe I should steal them. I don’t really want to though cuz it just makes me sad to watch them. A world I could not be a part of. I am delusional. The delusions are uncontrollable right now. I feel crazy. I want to sit next to an explosion and blow up in the blast and re-form back together without cocaine in my blood stream. The night is cold but it is nearly sweaty temperature in here cause of my arms. I want to steal a green light from somewhere to put in this box. Maybe it will make me have better dreams. Or it will make me hungry for vegetables. Then I will become a farmer and attack the earth and devour its products instead of the humans. I haven’t been outside in quite a while. I think I made liek two posts before this one but forgot to post them cause I actually did fall asleep. Let’s see what they say. 

restless anger

Sometimes I don’t get real sleep for a very long time and it brings out all my hate for humanity. Billions of stupid little insects hurting and crawling all over each other. It’s fucking disgusting. I can’t stop feeling like a three dimensional being in a two dimensional world. They can’t see what I see. I can see them in entirety, gazing from the Z axis. I’m fucking stuck out here and I can’t get back in. To the square plane where there is forward backward or up or down. I hate it. I don’t wanna be there but I don’t wanna be out here cause there isn’t nearly as much built out here than there is in there. I don’t wanna be angry but I am, cause I am restless. I hate it all I’m so sad I hate this shit. I want to get a good sleep so I can feel dead again instead of restless and angry. I want to rest in peace. I hope I get a good sleep soon. 

HELP

 I was taken out of my fits of insanity JUST TO BE THROWN INTO ANOTHER ONE. 

someone is asking me to TURN THEM. NO FUCKING WAY. YOU DO NOT WANT TO BE THIS KIND OF VAMPIRE. KEEP WALKING THE LINE. DO NOT CROSS IT AS I HAVE. FIND SOMEONE HEALTHY TO TURN YOU. 

every time someone asks this shit I gotta explain why its a bad idea BUT THEY DONT CARE THEY KEEP NAGGING ME UNTIL I FLEE OR FAKE MY DEATH. DON'T MAKE ME EAT YOU. 

I had a dream about faking my death recently. it seemingly worked. I guess I was a good actor in that dream. 

I made a reddit account cause i remembered there was stuff i wanted to delete from 2008 on there so im trying to get to 100 karma so i can ask the reddit gods to give me access to my old stuff back. it has been a very slow process and talking to the redditans is driving me UP THE WALL. so many problems I can't solve. I mean I could if I wasn't a WALKING CORPSE. and now someone wants me to turn them like really bad. this is rivaling the time a girl asked me to beat her with a lightsaber on halloween. i handed the lightsaber to her friend cause i didnt wanna go to jail. if she were much older like centuries i would have looked into her becase i would love to be in a relationship with someone fucked up like that. actually not really that kinda just makes me sad to think about. i dont know if i could mend their damages. when i was in college i was searching for a vampire id heard of in the area but i never found them. maybe because they were hiding among the crops like me. the people crops. food. i remember now why i dont like reddit. its more stupid it was 15 years ago. and still no one realizes. they're all poor souls who know nothing. people in the darkness. 

i hate thinking about love. its gross. time to go sink into the bottom of the lake and stay there for two days. i am lonely again. im on break im not supposed to be lonely. i need to get to 100 karma and get the fuck off reddit. this is just like the people who found my castle. oh shit i think they still have it. its subsidized into their apartment building. i wonder if anyone uses it. I will never find out because I may never go back there. I hate this there's some new issue every day. i will sleep within the muck amongst the fucking fish. 

if you show any affection towards me i will eat your liver 

I get high of of sleep deprivation

 AA A A A  A A  A A  AA A  AA A  A A A AYAYAYA A ATAYYAYAYAYAYYAYAYYAYAYAYYAYAYAYAYYAYAYAYYATATAYYAYATTATATATTAATATATTATATTATATATTATATATTATAATATA A  A A  A A A  A A A  A A A  A A  A A A A A A A A  A A A A A A  A A A sssSHIT AAAAAAA A  A SNJSJS S SNSJNS S NSNSNS NSNSNMSMSMSMMSMSMSMMDMXMXMXMMXMXMXMMXMXMXXMMXMXMXMMXMXMMXMXMXMXMMXMXMXMMXMXMXMMXMXMXMMXMXMXMXMMXMXMXMMXMXMXMMXXLLXLXxlxlxxcxlxlxclxlkckckcllckckckckkckckckkckckckkckckcklckckxkxkkckckx AA  A A  AGAGGAHAHHAHAHAHHAHAHAHHAAAAAA  A A  A A  A A  A A  A A  A A  A A A  A A  A AA A  A A A  A A AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAaaaAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA A  A  A  A A  A AAAA  A A  A A  A A  A AAA  A  A A  A A A  A  A A  A A  AAA AA A  A A AAAAA  A  A    A  A  AA    AA  A  A    A  A A    AA   AA A   AAA    A    A A A A A

ALIENS 

ALEINS 

ALIENS

MAKED ALIENS

NAKED ALIENS

NAKED ALIENS

NAKED ALIEN

NAKED ALIE

NAKED ALI

NAKED AL

NAKED A

NAKE

NAK

NA

N

NA

NAK

NAKE

NAKED

NAKED A

NAKED AL

NAKED ALI

NAKED ALIE

NAKED ALIEN

NAKED ALIENS

EMERGING FROM THE SACS 

EMERGING FROM THE FLOOR

EMERGING FROM THE SOUL

WHAT IS HAPPENING

THE ALIENS ARE STEALING MY  LIFE BEING

ALL I CA REM CA TEM CAN TEM REMEMBER IS FROM MMA  A  ALOT OF VENTUTIES CENFURIES CNE CENTURIES AGO

THE NAKED ALIENS SYOLR YH

 STOLE

THEM 

IMTHE 

THEYRE A B BUNCH OF LITTLE HANDS LITTLE WET HANDS PALE PALE CREATURES SMALL LITTLE ALIENS COMING OUT OF THE SEAMS COMING OUT OF THE WALLS COMING OUT OF THE MIND COMING OUT OF THE BODY COMING OUT OF THE SOUL. 

A FUCJIG

MFUCKING

FYCJIN

ALIENS IN MY EAR!!!!!!

FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCKKKKKKKKK