Madness update

It’s still here. I wandered for 10 milez and didn’t find a single place that wasn’t inhabited by filthy onlookers. Humans are a nuisance. They are just walking obstacles to me. No different than plants in your way, that you’d chop up to clear the way. Except you chop up a plant and other plants don’t attack you. They are helpless to us faunal beings. But who cares they’re just plants or something. 

I no longer see the ground up at the edge of the cliff. I’m stuck here at the bottom of the hole. The elevator broke. I am angry that the world does not help me. People say help yourself then if no one else will. I have. It’s not enough. It’s never enough becauze we are not solitary creatures. We are biologically dezigned to need other humans. And as much as a creature I am, I do not wish to lose all humanity. There is no happiness in it. I will kill all you cynical and nihilistic jokes. You are a fucking joke. Get smarter. Kick your own ass. Filthy animals. Die. 

My dinner serves itself to me. 

Madness

It rings. It’s like a needel is piercing your brain, and it never stops moving, so you never get used to it. All you can do is try to deny that it’s happening. To little avail. The only appealing thing is the absence of sense. In more ways than one. Why must this fate befall me and not those who churn this upon others. Why must the road to peace be paved with thorns. I had a dream that I went to hell once. I now remember how I felt in the dream on a weekly basis. The darkness of the night, scorns me, and presses itself upon my eyez, and I see the faces people see in the dimness, and feel madness. The devil makes work for idle hands. But how can I work in this world whose inhabitants abhor my presence. Fuck you. Vacate my peripheral vision. You ask me a single question or make any manor of sound and your organs will be strewn across the street. You are an animal. 

I will now walk the isolant sceneries of this land in search of the layer of mind that has come loose. Like the RGB layerz, I have lost the blue one, there is only red and green now, and they’re not even lined up strait, creating an ugly peripheral. I only see madness, and the noise between the silence. The earth vibrates as we walk it. Cursed be the perpetrator of my suffering, whomever it may be. 

If you see me, don’t speak, don’t look, or you die. 

 Current Mood: 💜♣️🖤💜♣️☂️🖤♣️💜🖤♣️☂️💜🖤♣️💜♣️🖤🕳🕳🕳🖤♣️♣️🖤♣️☂️🖤💜🖤💜💜🖤♣️🖤💜🕸♣️🖤♣️☠️💜♣️🖤☠️🖤♣️🖤☠️💜♣️🕸🖤💜♣️🖤💜☠️🕳🕳🕳🚿

I have [de]scended

My fellow brethren... 

I have ascended. But in our culture it is rather to descend. I have shed my body of the mellowdramas of being emo, and have become true Goth. There is a blankness in my eyes. I feel dark in soul, but it is comforting. As the ring is to Gollum, the darkness binds me. But it’s like a happy marriage. If none shall aid me the darkness will. I have become an animal, a part of the wall. When people look at me they’re looking through me at something far away. My eyes deprive me of tears. I cry for three seconds and then it stops all of the sudden and I feel wanting. But then even the wanting is overshadowed by the darkness. I look in the mirror and my skin has somehow paled far more than it has in a very long time. I don’t need eyeliner with the amount of black and purple tint there is under my eyes. 

But the voice is still there. The one calling to me from above the surface of the water. I can only make out what it is saying by the tone of its voice, and what it usually says in that tone. It is trying to pull me out of the water, but for now it can only hold on to me for dear life, for if it let go, the waterfall wouldn’t be waiting anymore. I can see the face of the voice. It is bright and behind it glow the joys of the world. I don’t know what will happen now. I almost burnt my house down but stopped the fire cause I realized it is cringe to burn your own house. Ooh. I think if it ever so happens that I appear in the outside world,— nevermind. That would be false. In reality I don’t particularly feel inclined enough to melt the horrid demons out there. Anyways I am basically now an apparition. Just imagine the typical goth girl but not the evil kind the just “weird” one. The one people think there is nothing going on are upstairs. But that’s true. There is nothing up there. I only hear sounds.  And when there are no sounds, there is scilence. And the darkness gums silently, and patiently. 

I will see you other goths out there in Goth Nirvana some day. I am now on the path to achieve it. The blood is the root of all suffering. 

Good harrows, the darkness feeds me.