Clinging to sanity

 I am cringing to sanity. I try to Hang on to the goodness of life but am slowly slipping back down into the evil of being a vampire. I eat the living, I feast on the walking living. It’s what I do. I have intermingled with the day creatures for a short while, containing my vampiric form, and acting like them. I can do it no longer. I need to screach. Scratch a chalkboard with my nails in an empty building, for the rats and mice to hear.  The day creatures are telling me things. I talk with these creatures like —- one thinks it’s ok to feast on the living, I don’t think they understand what that means. I eat these creatures, I fear them, they fear me, I don’t converge with the creatures of the day. But these ones… I could converge with but only under the guise of a human. My real nature would bewilder them beyond the grave. They would spit me out. And for good reason. Am I a human or a m I a vampire, what is the difference, are we even a different speices? I have been impacted in my speech and writing while living with these Things. I am mellowed. I hate it. I want the crunch back, the screach. The noise. I need the noise to drown out the world. Keep my head where it is. Every once and a while I slip and my fangs appear. People don’t seem to care immediately but I know they harbor fear. Dear lord I want… to go to sleep, so I will. Eventually. … Not die like actually go to bed I’ve been up far too long. My incicors are … I actually paused before writing erect. This is what I mean, I would never pause when talking about sex or cock penis, but the day creatures have tainted me. I must release the naked sperm, for it is the only thing that can combat the worm. I turned my weenor into a weapon of mass destruction. Good night to you all, 오늘 저녁에 집에 가서도 잘 자고 좋은 꿈꿔 사랑해, and remember I can eat you at any time. 

I set my penis on fire

 now i know wut youre thinking... he didnt actually do that??? yeah. i did. so i acccidentaly got gas of line on my penis so i tried to scrape it off like what yuore supposed to when you get a leach on you, but i accidentally used the rock i used to scrape the gass of line off was flint so it broke and made a spark and there goes my penis. funny story i actually burnt my penis off once. luckily i am a vampyre so i can just go suck the fuck out of some guy;s blood to regenerate my penis. you cant do that cuz you are a human. cringe. these boots were made for walking im gonna walk all over you. i would step on your penis if i could. thanks for listening to my ted talk, more updates about setting my penis on fire in 2 years. see you then. 

Just like the one winged dove

 sings a song sounds like she’s singan. Stevie Nicks edge of seventeen. That’s me right now, excsept I’m over the edge now. I don’t know how I feel about being an adult vampire. It technically doesn’t matter because I’ll still have this young ... malicious body for centuries to come, but like before I was a child eating the flesh of people, and now I’m just eating the flesh of people. It kinda feels different, and I don’t like that. I have fallen into a state of depression because my mind and body are separate. I need to cry to get over it but it’s not working. All that comes out of my eyes is ash. Just like the one winged dove, sings a song sounds like she’s singing. Stevie nicks edge of seventeen. That’s me right now. I am still stuck in the endless loop. I see no future.  I don’t like it, but quitting won’t put food on the table. Oh yay I just remembered I can watch demon slayer again... should I watch it now or after I crie myself out of the depressive state. I like Madara Uchiha, but I will not follow him. He’s a sketchy kid. I don’t like red she hulk anymore, I already forgot red she hulk existed. Hmm... now that I remember I actually again feel like I can identify with red she hulk. I kinda don’t wanna be a boy or a gurl, I just want to be. I think it’d be funny if I was referred to as an “it”. Isn’t this a strange moss covered rock? 

You know, being immune to time, to some extent, doesn’t free you from the times changing. It’s sad. Maybe this is how I find it in me to cry. I am a solitary creature of the night, I am so alone. Good night and remember: the side of which you walk your way towards, is the side you find it in yourself to get there. 

Thank you. 하지만 이런 

God save my soul please

 Dear god please. I don’t wanna be a vampire anymore. I don’t wanna tear human flesh and feast on their veins. I don’t want to chew open the carotid arterie anymore. I don’t want to be helled underwater I want to sleep during the night and wake up in the morning and help people. No, I don’t wanna help people. I want only for myself. I want to be at piece. I want to be a piece in God’s work. I have done nothing to diserve god’s gifts, or even his mercy. 

Dear lord please make my teacher change the meeting time so I can sleep consistintly for 3 days straight. Please bend me back into the shape of a human. You ever try bending a paper clip back into shape after fucking it up? It will always be fucked up, unless you melt it down and pour it back into the paper clip mold. And even then it won’t be the same as it was before. Dear lord I don’t want to be the same as before I just want to not be a vampire. I don’t wanna be a creature of the night, I want to be a creature of the earth. A sinful scrambling human, fucking around with rocks and guns. In exchange... ... in exchange I won’t spread the word of the lord, or become a priest. I act only for myself, not for others, not even for God. I have nothing to offer in return. Maybe once I am poured out back into the shape I will find something to give. Or maybe,,, you could just take my soul. Do whatever you will with it. I don’t even use it. I am evil. 

God if you’re reading this, please clean my soul. 

I have 2 brains

 One brain is for crowd control, the other is for single target use.

I use my brain to shoot tendrils that suck out the blod of iniscents. Inoscents. They are not inocent. They are liars, all of them. Filthy, and gross. I cry every time I feed, but I also scream in joy and make loud noises like a racket like an animal. The tendrils reach out and feast upon flesh and suck out the blood straight into my 

blood stream. It’s my new way of sucking blood. I like it because I can get a lot more 🧛🏿‍♀️blood more quickly. I am a creature of the night, I have the right to antagonize the day walkers. It’s my job. Your job is to let me suck your blood. Do your job right and maybe I’ll let you suck out some of mine. Only if you promise to fuck off and go live somewhere else. Vampires are like spiders, we are soliciatary creatures. 

🖤💉❤️just like the one winged dove, sings a song sounds like she’s singan.’ 🖤💋💔

I want to clarifyie

 I just stepped on a rock, and it waz alive. It made my leg hurt. It still hurts. 

I want to clarify that i was lieng in the last post. About what? You’ll just have to guess. I wouldn’t want to share secrets with my prey.

People who think they’re smart

 they are not smart. I am. I’m the smartest fucking person alive. I wish I could help them become as smart as me, but my intellect is genetic, haha. 

So I see these people on the internit, and I see them in the lobby, and I hear them in my ears (not coming from inside my head), and they sound like me... but the me right before some of the checks and balances set in. Thoughts like “I have veins in my body” “there is blood in my veins” that is weird? Yes? Nope. The checks and balances say “of course you have blood and veins, it fits the aesthetic god created the earth with. This aesthetic can be interpreted differently for everyone. But regardless of every interpretation god fucking did this shit because he thought it was funny. I just switched to a compyuter so i can use this site easier and it doesnt give me epilepsy. 

what was i talking about? oh yeah. 

one of the rules of the checks and balances is to not get stuck on one thought unless you want to. like the possibility that after you die, you are infinately revived in a new life, therefore experiecing infinate pain. that scares me. i dont want to have to become a vampire again, and that will probably only happen in like 3 of the other infinity lives i will respawn in. humans feel pain. vampyres only do if they choose to. its a vampire thing. you wouldnt get it, unless you were one of us. 

this thought made me de pressed for a few months. actually kind of a year, and then it still lingered after that. you know how i got rid of it? every time i thought of it, i thought myself, "we dont think about that stuff" and at first it didnt work but now my body makes me not think of it automatically. i am a god. not THE god though. im not as funny as him. 

another thing "smart" people do is act like theyre smart. you are not smart. even if you are, you look stupid, so it doesnt matter. i dont like saying it doesnt matter or using extremes like that because its not true, but to convey the message i want to convey i will say it. anyways some depressed people who actually are smart carry themselves online like they are smart, which comes off like you are a know it all, shut up. if you act like youre smart then when you say wrong things you look stupid. i say wrong things on purpose all the time to combat this, because im god. not the god, mined you. anyways acting like youre smart may work on stupid people, but smart people like me who come in very short supply by the way can see what youre doing, and like please you dont need to act smart you are smart. smart in the way that may or may not matter. i dont mean matter like in life well like yes i do but mmm.

so you guys wanna know something? The way i think in my mind is i see colors and feel feelings and i see blood and images and videos and i convey myself messages without using words a lot of the time. sometimes i use words too but when i dont have them i just use the feelings. it takes time to put these feelings into words. its hard. i crie. i scream. i tried to tell some guy something but i couldnt because it wasnt in words until it was too late. this is part of how im so smart. i just understand things instantly with feelings that match things in real life. these feelings are more complicated than we as a creature species have words to describe for, i mean we do, but they are considered deep feelings, and youd only tell them to your lover, your therapist, your parents, and stuff. im not the only one who works with feelings like this, i know that because i choose to be smart, and um i dont know why i put a comma but bascially like there isnt a quick way to describe these things in at least american society, which causes a problem for me a lot. i can describe them, but you wont understand, probably because my description gives you a different feeling. like when i say umm the scary like fake space science human early monkey umm scary mastadon bones fear umm ancient things you probably will feel different thigns than me, cause you didnt have the dream i had last night. 

I could go on for a long time about this stuff, but riet now you guys want to hear about people who think they;re smart, right? ok lets continue.

step 1: why i am smart and theyre not. 

i am a bit slower than most people in progressing in life, but i am very fast in regressing my mind. haha im just kidding i mean i understand things way quicker. because my mind just tells me things. sometimes my brain makes me expersience something, and then i exprence it in real life and i feel like wow ive done this before, and then i wake up and the entire fucking thing was a dream, fuck you brain. i hate having day terrors. i hate waking up and banging my head on the inside of the coffin lid i wanna get a coffing i can stand up in. motherfucker.

step 2: i am a fucking vampire. yes i will keep talking about myself i lied, haha.

this only makes me a little bit smarter because i am more aware of the world than humans but only to a suprizingly earthly degree.

step 3: why are naked women in every one of my dreams. i just remembered.

ok so my brain keeps like making me experience sex in my dreams all the time and i wake up and im like wow glad that wasnt real, kinda cool it happend in my dream but nuh uh no way. 

step 4: what the fuck was i talking about (haha no thats not supposed to be humerous, hhaah humerous kike the bone) i will chew on your femur.

hi

Hey

There are people who can act liek theyre smart just by using the look on their face. i want a bite of their face. i wanna lick the blood from the back of their eyeballs. i have a very long tongue, i use to slither around the VITAL organs. like a boa constructor, i squeeze the organs, they pop and explode. blood comes everywhere. some people give me these evil looks. like they just fucking saw me for the first time, and theyre giving me this evil, malicious, look. like they know they can harm me. i hate it. i didnt even rip out your organs yet. why is that the first impression you want to give to certain people? that you are a malicious asshole? i dont underztand. 

I wanna move to Japan. I herd you can be a hermit there. i wanna be a hermit, but in an actual house, not a plywood insulated box with a coffin. mmm. coffee. coughing. i jsut coughed. i forgot what i wuz talking about. oh yeah i want a house in japan where i can hide from people. ever heard of wherewolves in london? next its gonna be a vampire in japan. im gonna suck peoples blood until some protagonist comes along and ends me, but that wont happen because ill be in china by then. i dont mind the fine dust. it suits me. i have vampiric lungs, i can take it. in china i will suck peoples blood in ways that make it look like the chinese governmenr is making people dissapear, i will suck their blood. i will lick it up off the floor. when i wuz young i used to think about killing small animals, it made me feel powerful. now what makes me feel powerful is my long claws and sharp teeth. i slash at the greedy. i slash at the needy. i bite down on their necks with my sharp teeth, and suck the blood through the holes in my teeth. yes, thats right. vampires have holes in their teeth, like snakes, that they use to suck the blood. we just drink it for fun. either way of ingestion works. its kinda gross, but i like it because i like the taste of blood. 

moral of the story: i am god, and those who think otherwise will soon stop thinking. because their blood will be in my veins, as god intended it to be. he made vampires real because he thought it was funny. same reason he made us have veins like plants. its his fault, its all god. i uzed to think he waznt real but he is because he is testing me constantly. i forget most of the time and only sometimes i can clearyl see it, i dont know what he wants but maybe ill figure out some time. in the mean time, i will continue to feast on your kind. i will lick the inside of your eyeballs with my tongue, and chew on your fingers with my insisors.

you are my next prey, and it you think you're smart, make sure you really are before you end up on someone's dinner table. not mine of course... 

ive already got a full plate. 

If I was an animal I would be...

 I would want to be a terror bird, because they are powerful and can bite down on a human neck and snap it off in one bite. My victems wouldn’t be able to run away fast enough as I chased them with my she-hulk legs and I would fuckeng jump out of bushes and step on their necks with my talons. I would listen to them scream as I just stood there with an emotionless look on my massive avian face. I don’t pity those who I kill. I need them to survive. Their blood is my nectar. 

If you’re wondereng what happens to the blood vampires drinck, it depends on the vampire. Some of them just don’t shit, they pee clear water cause they abosorbed all the iron into their skin. Others shit out pure iron and copper from the blood. They melt it down and sell it to humans. Or just make things out of it. It is vulgar. Disgusting, but no one can tell us that, or at least no one can tell us that and get away with it. 

If I wasn’t a terror bird I would want to be a shark. They just swim, and eat things, and they don’t think about anything. I would like that. They can live for like hundreds of years and they just fucking fuck around and suck on things. There is a peacefulness to them. If you get past the quiet terror, they are peaceful. Even when they eat they eat quickly and nonchanantly. They just exist, and don’t worry about why. I would love to suck on a shark, like the way you give someone a hicky. But I wouldn’t give them a hicky I’d just suck on their rough skin,  and taste the salt of the ocean .

Third choice: an eae. An eagle . The website is glitching our, making it very hard to type, and give me a headaeche. My stomach is groaning. I need some blood now. Luckily I now have a plug so I don’t have to go without blood for days like last time. Good bye. 

I am attracted to Red She-Hulk

 Yeah i know its the third post today, but i dont care. i have a crush. i know she isnt real, but she makes a brief light in my dark life. i strive to be like her, even when she's evil, cause part of being a vampire is being evil. 

I like strong, powerful, and smart women, smart in a way like they actually know things. most people are fucking stupid, but thats ok, as long as they arent a fucking asshole. red she hulk is smart and an asshole, so i like her. shes like me. im an asshole on purpose because im a vampire and i need to drink blood. shes an asshole because she's red and needs to smash people. being a hulk isnt easy. i know this because i basically am the hulk. people want to fucking kill me unil they realize i will fucking kill them and suck their blood. 

she also somehow just knows everything. like me. i feel the kind of happiness you feel that makes you cry. just like the one-winged dove, sings a song sounds like she's singing. im going to cosplay as red she hulk in public when i go out to drink people's blood. maybe ill get on the news, and then people will show up to my house when i dont want them to and fucking poke holes in me with wooden steaks. it doesnt kill me, it just hurts. fucking annoying. im thinking of making a short film about red she hulk. i will post it to youtube when im finished with it. men have their wives, i, not a man, have my crush. i am not a man i am a vampire. just to clarify. 

thanks for listening to me talk about my new fixation, you are my next prey. I'll see you on animal planet when i rip your guts out of your neck, and slurp loudly on the blood of your organs. *swoons*

I have more to say.

 I thrive in the dark. In the places where everything else is dead, so I shine. But do I really? No. I thrive in my own space, alone. But as essential as food and water, I need contact with other kin. I go out and talk to people, and they throw rocks at me. I run away, and think that’s enough to fuel my power. In my home under the train tracks I hear the trains go by, the buzz of the bugs, and then it stops. The train passes, the bugs get caught in the spider’s web, eaten. I make my art. 

Women are inferior to men. I found this out when I became a woman. This is what society thinks. I don’t want to be a woman anymore, so I become a something. Take a look at me, what am I? “Uh, really tall?” NO! I’m an ogre. I am shrek. “”Ah! Help,l! Run! Big stupid ugly FAGGOT!”” That’s what they say to me. Faggot is apparintly an insult to straight people too. You know me, I watch too much porn of women. So much so that I can’t see women an equally respectful way I see men. Maybe respectful isn’t the right word. I don’t have more respect for men, I hate most of them. Fucking annoying, and rude. Being loud and gross is fine, if it doesn’t involve being a fucking asshole. But being an asshole is encouraged in society. I’m never going outside. But If I don’t i don’t get my blood. I need to feed. It makes me strong. I hunger for therst. I therst for blood. The first time I sucked blood, I screamed. I don’t scream anymore. I make the most of it.

Join me in becoming my next meal.

I’m so tired 😪

 oh my god I need blood to survive when I’m low on blood I get tired I haven’t drinken blood in 3 days it’s exhausting I’m struggling to find victems they’re all running away it’s horrible. Being a vampire is hard. I thought it would be easy. Why is the price of being set for life always having to live in constant fear and motion. Actually that’s not true, that’s what they want you to think. You can thrive and not be constantly pursued if you don’t get caught. The problem is I got caught and people know who I am and they know I’m a vampire and that I drink blood. So they run away. How horrid. 🧛🏿‍♀️ I have a god complex 🥾🐜 but I am a god... so I guess I’m just in the right state of mind. Can’t have a god complex if you are a god. Just like the one winged dove singes a song sounds like she’s singan. And the days go bye in the wind in the win and eback I tease my own, I begin again. Said to my friend, nothin else matters 🎸🎸🎸🎸 

Please someone out there, let me suck you’re blood. I’m starveng. Please. 

💪🏿🧛🏿‍♀️

 

vampirism update 2 or 3

 every single fucking one of you shut up please agh fuck i mean why am i so intolerant of idiocy? maybe because everyone else is allowed to be a fucking idiot but im not. "oh well why not just allow yourself to be an idiot" YOU ESPECIALLY SHUT THE FUCK UP YOUR ADVICE IS ALWAYS SHIT MY GOD. I COULD SPEND HOURS EXPLAINING WHY THAT DOESNT WORK. 

i just wanna fucking eat someone alive like take a bite out of them and then suck and fucking spit out the blood cause ive had enough. what happens after blood sucking? I CANT EVEN DO COOL MINECRAFT SHIT CAUSE IM NOT AN ACTUAL VAMPIRE. I AM A VAMPIRE BUT NONE OF THE BENEFITS ONLY THE WEAKNESSES. I AM WEAK AS FUCK, MENTALLY, PHYSICALLY, IN EVERY WAY. EXCEPT FOR ONE: I AT THE VERY LEAST FUCKING TRY TO NOT BE A NUISANCE TO OTHER PEOPLE WHO DON'T DISERVE IT. HOW HARD IS IT TO AT THE VERY FUCKING LEAST LOOK AT A RANDOM PERSON LIKE YOU COULD RESPECT THEM IF YOU KNEW THEM. 

"Well it's just a rude and condescending and fucking idiotic face, you're looking too far into someone based on how they look at people they don't know."

yeah maybe you're right. probably not. but i dont want to get to know these people cause they're all the same. 

Who am I even talking about this whole time? Teenagers. shut the fuck up about "teenagers were always bad its their job to revolt and be incredibly rude and stupid" I know that. american culture is just "those guys are dumb let's make our own thing."

examples: 

the kkk

teenagers

the south/the confederacy

the entire fucking country cause british rule was intolerable or some shit (im not a loyalist by the way i hate england retarded country)

Children of a new generation change society in some way each time. its good and bad, or its just different whatever. the gen z generation teenagers hold the outcast characters to an idolistic and PAGAN level and everyone acts like their weird "haha i hate normal people" WHEN EVERYONE ACTS WEIRD, IT BECOMES NORMAL. YOU ARE THE NORMAL PEOPLE. "well you act weird so you're normal too, don't worry." Emo Age Fish told me that in the midst of the counter culture of america there are the true outcasts, who EVERYONE FUCKING HATES AND WILL KILL BECAUSE THEY DONT ASSIMILATE INTO THE NEW CULTURE WITH EVERYONE ELSE.

I FUCKING HATE IT BUT I AM A TRUE OUTCAST. NO I DONT LIKE THIS I DONT THINK IT'S COOL. READING ALL THOSE FUCKING BOOKS ABOUT OUTCAST CHARACTERS MADE ME FUCKING MAD, AND NOW IM FUCKING MAD KNOWING IM THE CHARACTER THAT MAKES ME FUCKING MAD. 

How do I solve this problem?

a. assimilate into gen z culture, give up yourself to become someone else, and act all the fucking time

b. i dont know move to another country where they dont care as much about strange people

c. do some stupid shit like a bombing or a shooting and write a manifesto and take out your hatred of the world on the world. the problem with that stuff is you cant decifer who really diserves it or not so just dont even try because you're gonna ruin innocent people's lives, and you're a fucking idiot, or you've lost so much in your mind that it doesnt matter. basically c. become a serial killer or shooter

d. train yourself to be happy despite the hatred and the eyes constantly being beamed onto you. this is the hardest option.

I chose D. fuck you. i hate your culture i dont fit into any culture except my own. weebs? no. redditor? no. normal public school teenager? no. i could go on more but whatever. i tried all these things i always find out it isnt me. i am so half assed i put one foot into everything but never two feet. the other foot i keep for myself. i suck on it. i lick the blood off my toes that came from stepping on swollen cocks. yeah i cant even fit into being gay or asexual. im looking into being trans but ill probably be so half assed ill be a half transexual like i dont even make people act like im a woman (worded badly no offense to transexuals).

I don't even wanna be a part of internet culture as a whole anymore. the mainstream internet culture is like just so ingenuine. back in the good old days just kidding im drinking your blood as we fucking speak, the early 2000's, people could get in an arguement and actually scream at eachother. they werent afraid to show their anger. its different now its like if you show any strong emotion you lose because no one will take you seriously after that. people will get in a gay fight in the comments of a youtube community post and its all "yo deadass you stupid *skull emoji*" then "fatherless my guy" like i imagine they have these fake smug looks on their faces people do it in real life too where they're just smiling because showing your anger makes you lose. 

The basis of all of this is THE FUCKING WALKING DEAD MENTALLITY of IF WE DON'T KILL THEM FIRST THEY WILL KILL US FIRST. THE PROBLEM WITH THAT IS EVERYONE IS TRYING TO KILL EACHOTHER BEFORE THE OTHER CAN. EVERYONE IS IN ATTACK MODE ALL THE TIME. 

IF EVERYONE JUST LOWERED ALL THEIR WEAPONS AND REALIZED IT DIDNT HAVE TO BE THAT WAY NO ONE WOULD HAVE TO HAVE THESE FAKE DEFENSES UP AGAINST OTHER PEOPLE. I'M PRETTY SURE ITS MUCH WORSE AROUND HERE CAUSE RICH PEOPLE (born rich) HAVE NO FUCKING SOUL SO THEY HAVE NO REASON TO BE GENUINE BECAUSE THEY PHYSICALLY CANT BECAUSE THEYRE LIKE ALIENS THAT ARE SO DISCONNECTED FROM LIFE LIKE YOU ARE RICH I KNOW THAT MAY CAUSE YOU MENTAL ISSUES BUT TRY TO WORK THROUGH THOSE AND DO SOMETHING WITH YOUR GOOD RNG INSTEAD OF FALLING DOWN INTO THE GUTTER TO FUCK YOURSELF UP WITH DRUGS AND ABUSE OLD AND HOMELESS PEOPLE. 

I have some good RNG, I'm really smart, and just somehow know how to do everything in an extremely effective way, maybe its cause i use my brain, but i am not using my higher intelligence for SHIT. So im hypocritical for saying the stuff above, EXCEPT OH YEAH I DONT DO DRUGS AND I ACTUALLY TRY TO BE NICE TO PEOPLE BEFORE I KNOW FOR SURE I SHOULD BE MEAN. WHY WAS VAPING INVENTED WHO DID THIS YOU FUCKING IDIOTS YOU CREATED A GATEWAY DRUG TO ALL THE HORRIBLE SHIT YOU GAVE ALL THESE RICH KIDS AN EASY WAY TO THROW ALL THEIR SHIT AWAY ACTUALLY GOOD JOB NOW THAT I READ IT LIKE THAT THAT'S GREAT LET'S DEMOLISH THE RICH PEOPLE POPULATION. NOT EVEN A FUCKING JOKE OR SARCASM. EXCEPT I HAVE TO DEAL WITH THESE FUCKERS CAUSE THEY SHOW UP TO MY HOUSE UNDER THE TRAIN TRACKS AND THROW EGGS AND CALL MY SISTER A WHORE AND THEN GET AWAY WITH NO REPURCUSSIONS. 

oh yeah so my carboard box is now like a shit ton of wood nailed together lined with duct tape and kind of hidden on the outside and ive got one window looking out at the lake and its pretty nice except for when spiders get in that is the fucking worst get out of my house.

i keep viles of blood beside my bed so if i force myself to wake up from the dayly sleep paralysis i can have a midday snack mmm i kinda want some blood now actually. i sometimes dream that im sleeping in my bed and there's a spider on me so i thrash around and freak out but my body isnt moving then i fully wake up and check around but there's no spider so i fall back asleep but i dont even fully fall asleep im in the sleep paralysis again for the whole day. 

at night i go out and look for my next victim.

funny thing about that is my next victim is you. I'm gonna eat you alive, and suck on your neck so hard that the blood in your capilaries gets sucked down my throat. mmm. delicious. 

Vampirism update

I am being helled underwater. Not really. More like every time I bring my head up out of the water someone comes and shoves me back down. And then it’s just the sound of bubbles and fish screaming for days. Until I get back up again. I get just enough air to remember it, but not enough to know how to get back to it.

This website has a weird issue where you can’t type long or else it makes it so you can’t see the text. This is the end message but it’s stupoosed to be at the end: and I’m gonna eat you for breakfast lunch and dinner

What does this have to do with vampirism? A lot. I am not allowed to sleep consistently. So I spend hours waiting for the hands to let go of my nechk. Every time I go outside i am given an obstacle I must overcome in order to improve. I feel like god is giving me these obstacles. Who are these people and why are they all... well I already know the answers to every question I ask myself. Won’t stop me from being baffled and screaming at midnight and screaming at the fish. The fish who are always screaming. Even when I’m above the water. Shut up fish. 

I am going to eat you. I want your soul. Give it to me. If the law didn’t exist your blood would be dripping off of my fangs. We are only a few steps away from animalism. Me especially. Because I’m a vampire.

I am a vampire 🧛🏿‍♀️

 I am a fucking vampire now. I just realized. I drink blood, I sleep during the day, I exist outside of society for now, and every time I go outside everyone wants to kill me. The only thing I don’t have in common is I like garlick and the sun doesn’t kill me. I like the sun. I don’t like the FUCKING 하는 생각을 하게 된다 이렇게 FUCKING IDIOT PEOPLE WHO LIVE UNDER IT. I’M HUNGRY. I THERST FOR BLOOD. I WILL SUCK THE DRUGS OUT OF YOUR BLOOD STREAM. EVERYONE WALKS AROUND ON DRUGS SCREAMING AND EVERYONE IS DECENT BECAUSE DECENCY MEANS BEING A FUCKING ASSHOLE BECAUSE IF YOU DONT YOU WILL BE BULLIED. BULLY PEOPLE OR BE BULLIED. ITS LITERALLY THE WALKING DEAD. KILL THEM FIRST OR THEY WILL KILL YOU. YOU KNOW THE PROBLEM WITH THAT MENTALITY? IF EVERYONE JUST WASNT A FUCKING ASSHOLE NO ONE WOULD HAVE TO BE AN ASSHOLE. YOU FUCKING IDIOTS HAVE CREATED AN ENVIRONMENT IMPOSSIBLE FOR ME TO ASSIMILATE INTO. SO I WILL DRINK YOUR BLOOD. I WILL FEAST ON IT. IM GONNA WALK AROUND IN SHOES THAT HAVE BRICKS IN THEM SO IT LOOKS LIKE IM TALL. I’M GONNA EAT YOU. YOU ARE MY FUCKING DINNER. IF I WANTED TO I COULD KILL YOU WHOLE. I WILL FIGHT EVERY POLICE UNIT IN THE AREA, AND THEN I WILL DRINK THE BLOOD OF THE MILITARY. I WILL RIP OPEN THE METAL OF THEIR TANKS AND SUCK THE INSIDES OUT. I WILL SUCK YOUR FUCKING BLOOD. IF YOU SEE ME ON THE STREET, DO NOT MAKE EYE CONTACT OR I WILL FUCKING SUCK THE LIFE OUT OF YOU. 

I identify with vampires.

I gotta get out of here

 I hate having to be fine for people liek who even are you people who are these people who am I where am I what is going on why is there screaming I know the answer to all of these things but I’m freeweeezzinf it’s so cold I’m shivvvering who are these people I hear screamingi hear I hear loud noises from far away they aren’t loud it’s just noise and the presence of many the red presence of many and the eyes al the eyes all of them everywhere all around all the time I who are these people there’s constant buffeting of the winds there’s fucking like all these people and god damn it it shouldn’t matter  but the fear the fear the walking dead just like a one winged dove wings a sings a song soundscape like sounds like I’m shivering 

I gotta get outtta here

 We are about to launch an all out attack on our houze. Sincerely, the zombies.

I gotta get outta here who at work these who are these people this sound this sonctanc this constant noise I am shivvvering I’m so cold who are these people I s i fucking I gotta get outa here I gotta 

How long is time?

 trick question. Time isn’t real. Lots of people have said this, but I’m the only one where it’s right. The devil was right when he told me my fingers would fall off. They’re still here. Just like

Hmm. I don’t even know what planet I’m on this is so different from my old perception of earth. It’s been 5 months of this agony. But not agony in the way you’d expect it. You know when she say s “how can you see into my eyes like open doors leading you down into my core where I’ve become so numb” besides the meme and the joke and the association even with these cultures like “emo” the numbness she talks about is in this other song I know too but that’s s where the agony comes from. It’s attaching itself to my mindset. I see myself completely as an outside being looking down on the world, through a cracked looking glass. A cracked looking glass, smudged and blurred with fat substances. I seee what is not actually there but it is it’s just this weird layer of it’s not actually it but it is. The devil has worked his way inside my testicles. They itch and fall off, and make a hole in the sand. I feel like I’m an AI imitating things humans say and the sounds they make. I am not I am no longer a part of any culture but my own, I am the only member of my culture, I am not even emo anymore I have transcended to something like individualism but if that word actually meant what it should mean cause none of these words mean what they sounds like they mean. It’s so hard to describe my thought to people because it isn’t in any human laguage but my own. It isn’t in words. I think I’m emotion, what little I still have left. Just like the one winged dove sings a song sounds like she’s singing. It’s asinine. I am a prisoner in my own body. I like eating. It feels good. I also like being fully conscious, but I guess you can’t have everything , right? 

I’m going to bed invanbfinal I can finally sleep thank god it’s been a fourth of a day and I can finally sleep again. Good night, good fortnire,! Dracula the Vampire.

My killer instincts have kicked in...

 When I wuz little I used to thought about killing small animals and watching them die. It made me feel good, and powerful, but I never did it because my moral compass was real.

But now I’ve evolved. I am a creature of the night. I have murderous tendencies. I could win any fight if I bite hard enough. I tasted human blood, and it tastes bad, but I still like it so I drink a few liters of it every day. Don’t ask me where I get it, I won’t tell you that I’m a serial killer because I’m not. Sometimes I stare at the moon and I can feel my canines growing. I scream at the moon and they shrink. Just like a one winged dove; sings a song sounds like she’s singan’. I often think about biting down on small body parts like ears or the male genetalia. I can imagine the crunch of the veins and the taste of blood on my erect inscisors. I have a fetish for licking blood off the floor.

Thanks for reading, you guys are my next prey.

Oh my god one piece is making fun of me

 go to one piece episode 868 on crunchy roll and go to like the 8-10 minute mark and also watch some of the previous episode or two and you’ll see that THE SHOW IS LITERALLY MOCKING ME LIKE THEY MADE A BETTER REPRESENTATION OF MY SOCIAL INTERACTIONS THAN I DID LIKE WHAT THE HELL JUST LIKE A ONE WINGED DOVE SINGS A SONG SOUNDS LIKE SHES SINGING. IM FUCKING CRYING RIGHT NOW OH MY GOD I AM LITERALLY KATAKURI FROM ONE PIECE WHAT THE FUCK HOW DID EICHIRO ODA KNOW ABOUT ME I THINK HE WATCHED ME IN JUNIOR HIGH FROM THE SCHOOL SECURITY CAMERAS THIS EPISODE ALSO CAME OUT AROUND THE SAME TIME THIS STUFF STARTED HAPPENING OH MY GOD WHAT THE HELL LIFE IS A LITERALY A THE STONE THAT THE BUILDERS REJECTED BECAME THE CORNERSTONE OF A WHOLE NEW WORLD LIKE WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?????

God damn it NOW I HAVE TO WATCH THE REST OF ONE PIECE TO SEE WHAT ELSE THE CREATORS KNOW ABOUT ME SO I CAN GET THE SHOW CANCELLED AND THE GOVERNMENT WILL STOP MAKING ME LIVE IN A BOX UNDER THE TRAIN TRAX. I AM CRINGING AND CRYING RIGHT NOW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Where did real life go?

It’s been over a year. It feels like longer though. (Edit: it’s been about two years. That’s why it felt longer). These past few months have been too long. I’m tired of not feeling like I’m in real life. I can’t remember the last time I felt like I was in real life. That may or may not be true, but I can’t verify it cause I can’t visit my past self to ask how things are going at the time.

   I’m currently in an ongoing fight with someone who doesn’t even know they’re in a fight. But they also do, because my opponent is my mind. There are several people living in my head, but that’s not actually how it is. That’s a very simple and inaccurate way to put it. Each one comes out at different times, but that’s how it is for everyone, isn’t it? I just skipped a few steps. Sense is being lost. This happens all the time. It’s only once in a green moon that some sense actually gets to the people I’m talking to. I’m not living in a cardboard box under the railroad anymore, I’m trapped in a repeating cycle of four rooms. I’ve been in the cycle for too long. I hate metaphors like that cause they apply to bigger things like the human race or whatever. I’m tired of thinking, I need to stop somehow. I know ways how I just haven’t tried them yet. I need a job and I need to swim in mud for three days with no food. Only water. People talk about people being confined in small spaces for long periods of time going insane or whatever and I think that’s me. 2-3 weeks of scurrying around in a box with many distractions is more tiring than swimming for miles and miles. Depends on the situation though. Swimming for miles in an endless sea would be more tiring than scurrying around in a box full of distractions without sight of the future, or the light at the end of the tunnel whatever. The problem with the distractions is they only distract for so long, and then you start to lose feeling and start to think way too much. To balance the lack of physical pain, the mental pain becomes insufferable. We live on the earth under the sun. Being away from both depletes your ability to be joyful and enthusiastic and other things like those. I now have even more empathy to the people in the international space station than I did before.

Moral of the story: “touch grass” as they say on the Internet. Don’t stay inside for longer than 3 or so days, even if the government wants you to.

Emo for life, Punk Rock and bowl.